“True love is free, total, faithful, and fruitful.” During this season of engagement, this quote from Saint Pope John Paul II has spoke to my heart. It has taken me a while to understand what it means. And how it is relevant to Tom’s and my future marriage. “True love is free, total, faithful, and fruitful.” Engagement is a time of preparing for marriage. Asking questions like: How can I love the other person better? How can I strive to be the best person I can be? What can we do now that will help us in 20 years? What determines a successful marriage? A successful marriage isn't just not getting divorced. There are many couples who are unhappily married or have become resentful and bitter towards one another. Tom and I want to do everything we can to have a happy marriage in five, ten, twenty, and fifty years. Because engagement is not just about wedding planning. So many people get caught up in planning ONE day that they forget to plan for the rest of their lives. We are preparing for marriage. The most important promise either of us will ever make. A lifetime of commitment. Forever. Til freaking death do us part. Yeah. This may sound dramatic or intimidating. If you aren’t engaged, you might be thinking – Wow, I don’t think I could ever get married. If so, that is okay. Believe me, I was convinced for a while that I was literally incapable of marriage. (Blog post for another time?) Yet here I am, sharing how Tom and I are doing this whole engagement thing. Be patient and forgiving to yourself. You do not know what plans God has for your future. Tom and I take engagement very seriously because the Catholic Church does not recognize divorce except for in very serious situations like to protect the safety of the family. Annulments are given to a marriage if it was never valid to begin with. Like if one person lied to the other about their intentions in the marriage, or if the parties did not fully understand the sacrament before taking their vows. However. That is why the Catholic Church has engagement retreats, marriage counseling, and diocesan classes to help couples understand what they are getting into. Marriage is super awesome, that’s why the Church takes it so seriously. Back to the beginning though. This quote was the theme of our engagement retreat this past summer. Ever since hearing the meaning of love explained, I have felt in awe at the beauty and complexity of love. I love Love! Love is God himself. God created us not because He needs us. God created us simply because He desires us. God was dazzled by the idea He had of you. He created us because He desires us to share in Himself. To share in Himself which is Love. God created us to share in His Love. Love is free. God does not force us to love Him. God gave every person free will. When I say free will , I mean the ability to choose right or wrong. We are not robots forced into loving God. Jesus is constantly pursuing us at all moments of our life. Are we pursuing Him? Do we notice those moments in our lives? When someone does something because they had no choice, is it genuine? No. Christ freely chose to die a painful, sorrowful, humiliating death, so that we could be free of our sin. He chose this freely. God wants our voluntary love and attention. He is not going to force you into a relationship with Him, but He will always be pursuing your heart. True love is offered and received freely. “If a thing is free to be good it is also free to be bad. And free will is what has made evil possible. Why, then, did God give humans free will? Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having. A world of automata--of creatures that worked like machines--would hardly be worth creating. The happiness which God designs for His higher creatures is the happiness of being freely, voluntarily united to Him and to each other.” - C.S. Lewis Love is total. Love gives everything. Christ poured out his entire life for our salvation. Christ did not leave mankind abandoned. Christ left us with the Church and instituted the sacraments so that we can have a real, intimate relationship with Him. God, the Creator of the Universe, has gone to extremes, so that we can know, love, and serve Him. Love gives everything. Love sacrifices. That last piece of cake. The five dollars in your pocket. The last ounce of patience you have left. Those ten minutes you could spend doing something else. The smile beneath layers of frustration. These are small acts of love. They are small acts of love that are practice for big acts of love. Are we willing to offer love and small acts of service for the good of someone who needs us? Love is faithful. Love is not contingent. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Love is persistent and enduring. Tom and I discerned that we wanted to get married because we determined that our love for each other would be faithful regardless of what happens in the future. I am so thankful for many friends, my family, and Tom who have shown me that love is faithful. Marriage vows are a solemn promise of faithfulness in every circumstance or situation: “I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.” God is faithful. He keeps his promises. He abides among us. God waits patiently for us to seek Him. The faithful love of marriage reflects this unconditional love God has for each one of us. Love is fruitful. Love multiplies. Love gives of itself. Love creates and sacrifices. Love cannot be contained and kept a secret. Love gives and grows. The mystery of the Trinity is three Persons in one God : the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The love of the Father and the Son literally creates a third person of God which is the Holy Spirit. No, do not ask me to explain this any further because I am literally a lowly peasant in the great universe of theology. Talk to a priest if you don’t get this. Or click here. The love of a married couple reflects the fruitful love of God in the Trinity. The love of the two persons creates a third human being! Contemplating on the meaning of true love - free, total, faithful, and fruitful - is already transforming the way I see marriage! ---- I encourage you to ask God to help you understand Him. Maybe your faith isn’t there right now. Maybe you’re mad at God. Maybe it is hard to believe that God even exists. Or that if He does, that He cares about us. I encourage you to ask God to hold your hand through the questions you are experiencing. Will you give Him a chance to show you the love He so desperately longs to show you? I hope we all will. ---- Thanks for reading! Madeleine
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Thanks for stopping by! I'm Madeleine, and I write about how I think and why I do the things I do as a Catholic. Archives
October 2018
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